Why you always get the honey bear

Sis and I were doing a Monday evening shopping run at Safeway.  Nearing the end of our list, making for the dairy section, a Safeway employee caught our eye, and, smiling, asked if we’d found everything ok.  We had.

“We got the honey” said sis as our cart stopped beside him.

“Course you do!” he replied, “You got yo honey right here!” (referring to me).

We didn’t bother explaining, and laughed along.  He drew a little closer.

“Organic honey, huh?”  We looked down at our bottle of honey and back up at him.

“You know what you can do...”  We looked back with blank little smiles.

“Next time, get the honey bear.  You know, the honey that comes in the little plastic bear.”

We smiled and nodded, “uh huh”, “sure”.

“Well you get the honey bear and when the honey’s all gone, you take the little bear and you rinse it out real good.”

We continued to smile and nod “uh huh”, “Ok”

“And then you take some food coloring, ok?  And you put a few drops in there and you fill it up with water, and then you’ve got yourself a nice little colored bear and you decorate yo house with that.”

We both started laughing, he cut us off earnestly: “Yeah, so instead of throwing that away, you know, you’ve got yourself a real nice decoration, and you can put ‘em anywhere”.

Realizing that he was serious, we tried to reign in our laughter a bit.

“Yeah, you know you can put ‘em in your bathroom or whatever, and then you’ve got this nice little bear lookin’ back at you in the bathroom or wherever”.

Sis and I came back to earth a little, and I somehow managed a comment about recycling.  We assured him that we would give that a try next time, and, a bit dazed, we carried on with our shopping trip.

Below are instructions for this marvelous little craft

"Honey Bear" by Craig Stevens

You will need:

1 Honey Bear

1 Box of food coloring

A faucet

How to do it:

1. Use all of the honey in the bear.

2. Rinse it out real good.

3. Add a couple drops of food coloring (note: use more drops for a richer-colored bear.  Use less drops for a more translucent bear).

4. Replace the Bear’s hat and shake it up real good.

5. Find a place in your home to display your new decorative bear.

The Point of No Return

There comes a point in every burrito eating experience where one’s immediate gastronomical future hangs in the balance - the Point of No Return.

To understand this phenomenon, you must be a lover of Mexican food, and intimately familiar with at least a few “bomb-ass burrito spots”.  Or just Chipotle.  You must also be something less than a complete monster or yoked bro that easily consumes an entire super burrito without a moment’s notice.  You should also be something more than a teeny-tiny little person who would never consider eating an entire Chipotle burrito at once.

The burrito experience is, to me, delightful.  I love feeling the warm weight of a good burrito in my hands.  I enjoy peeling back the foil and taking that first bite.  I especially like quality cheese in my burrito - coupled with the right amount of salsa, beans, rice, and grilled chicken breast, there’s nothing like it.  I rarely start a burrito without a good appetite, and the hand-held, compact nature of a burrito lends itself to rapid consumption.  “Inhaling” is often an apt descriptor for me eating a burrito.  I’m chugging along, really enjoying myself, taking careful bites, rotating the burrito as I peel back the foil, when all of a sudden I reach the point of no return.

The point of no return is located approximately 75% of the way through the burrito, and I almost inevitably stop here, however briefly, to reflect.  The remaining burrito is incredibly appealing - the tortilla is soft and still warm, the bits of chicken, surrounded by delicious layers of cheese and rice are offering themselves to me freely.  But I know that, deep down, I’m full.  I don’t need to eat the rest to feel satisfied.  I could just put it down, walk away, and avoid the food coma caused by eating an entire burrito in one sitting.  I deliberate.

As is, the remaining burrito could be conceivably re-wrapped in its foil and stowed in the refrigerator; later that night, I could open the burrito and have a delicious and rewarding little snack.  On the other hand, why not just eat the damn thing right now?  It’ll taste good, it’ll be over in a few bites, and I’ll be done with it.  But have just one more bite I cannot, for the remaining burrito, minus one good-sized bite, would be a paltry and disappointing snack to unwrap later tonight.  It would merely tease my taste buds with memories of the glorious full-bodied burrito, and leave me lusting for more.  And so I waver on the precipice, two choices very clear in my mind.




If I do manage to wrap up the burrito and walk away, I feel an incredible sense of self-satisfaction.  I feel that I’ve proved myself as a powerful and balanced individual - one who can look temptation in the eye and walk onwards.  If I do not, and decide to devour the final bites, I delight in my rebellion; I revel in my gluttony, and I eat with the strength of an ape - thoroughly enjoying the short-term gratification of indulgence.  Today, I wrapped it up.

Ordering Chinese Food - an adventure in conversation

Ordering Chinese food today was an absolute trip.  I called the House of Nan King, spoke with a lovely young woman who took my order very diligently, repeated it back to me, and said she’d enter it into the computer and call me back with the total.  I received a call back shortly thereafter, but there was a different house of Nan King employee on the phone - an older woman whose English was a few grades below that of my first caller.  

“Yeah hi Scott?” (I’d given Scott’s name, as he was headed to pick up the chinese food)
“Well, sure.. go ahead”
She started with a disclaimer -
“Yeah girl you just spoke with new, she doesn’t really know how to do it”
“Oh that’s ok”
“So what you want, how many people eating?” (I realized I’d be building my entire order from scratch again)
“There are 7 of us”
“Ok and what you want, beef? chicken? poark?”
“Well I thought we’d get a little bit of everything”
“Ok yeah so you want potsticker appetizer?”
“Yes, two orders please”
“Ok and you like sesame chicken?” (I had ordered sesame chicken - obviously she had my previous order right in front of her) 
"Yes Please"
“There seven of you?  I do two big orders - enough for seven”
One of us is allergic to sesame, so I really only wanted the one -
“You know I think just the one order of sesame chicken is enough”
“Ok and you want one more chicken?”
“Yes the chicken with chinese greens, please”
“Yeah ok chicken mixed veggie” ( a different menu item)
“You know I like the look of those chinese greens”
“Ok yeah baby boc choi greens, I can do that, you want *something unintelligable*”
“That’s fine”
“Ok what else?”
“An order of the sizzling scallops please"
“OK you want *some uninteligible scallop dish*”
“Well I see here ‘sizzling scallops’ - can we have that?”
“Yeah that only come with three pieces of scallop whole dish”
“Well what’s your most popular scallop dish?”
“Most popular? Well that probably be *some unintelligible scallop dish*”
“Ok well I’m just concerned about sesame - I see here one scallop dish has sesame” (menu item: ‘Crispy scallops w/sesame vege’)
“OK you want sesame? yeah I can do that for you”
“No! No, no sesame”

From the other end of the room, somebody laughs and chimes in with “No and den!”

“Oh no sesame.  Ok no problem.  What else, you want a brocoli beef?”

I just started laughing.  Really hard but silently and looking up to the ceiling as she repeated “You wanna brocoli beef?”
“Yes please,” I tried to compose myself “Yes please that sounds great”
She sort of chuckled on the other end, recounted my order, I asked for rice:
“Ok rice for seven people”
Knowing there’s almost always extra rice, I said “You know we don’t actually eat alot of rice, so probably rice for 5 people would be enough”
“Oh ok, rice for five”
“And an order of chicken chow mein”
“Ok chicken chow mein.  Ok thank you!”
“And can I pay by credit card over the phone?”
She had already hung up.

I sort of came down from the call, got up to share some details and have a laugh with the rest of the team, sat down at my desk again and my phone rang.

“Hello?”
*Noise of a restaurant*
“Hello?”
*More restaurant noise*
“Hello preez?”
I hung up.

“Unbelievable.  Now they’re calling me from their pants”  A minute later, the phone rang again.

“Hello?”
“Hi this is house of Nan King”
“Hi there”
“Yeah what time you want to pick up?”
“Well we’re eating at 12:30, so we’d like to pick it up at 12:15”
“OK 12:15 very good”
“And can I pay over the phone with a credit card?”
“Noooooo, no not over the phone”
“Ok, no problem”

I got up and walked over to Scott, gave him the credit card and said they’d be expecting him at 12:15.  Scott put the card in his wallet and I sat back down at my desk.  Out of the corner of my eye, I see my phone getting another call.

“Hello”
“Hi this is house of Nan King” (It was the new girl)
“Oh hello”
“I’m calling so you can pay with credit card for your order”
“Oh.  Ummm ok just a moment please”
I walked over to Scott, tapped him on the shoulder because he was on the phone, whispered that now we can pay over the phone, and he handed over the card.

I gave her the info, the order was processed, and Scott left a half hour later to pick up our $93.46 order of chinese food.

It turned out to be delicious, especially the potstickers, and we enjoyed our first eat-in lunch at the new office.  We had about 2 full boxes of rice leftover.

Chicken Milanese with Asparagus and Mashed potatoes

I went to Andronico's market on Irving for the first time today. Outside were two dogs. They were quite the couple. Very very calm and docile on their little leashes. There was a stranger giggling about the little one. "He's funny", he said as I locked up my bike.

He turned out to be a real sweetheart. They both were. I got some good vibes as I approached them, and got in a nice little pet session. I thought about those less fortunate than I - people that are scared of dogs, and have gotten bitten - maybe in an innocent approach like the one I'd just executed. Like people, I think

all dogs should love me, and I make it my business to promote this love any chance I get.

Inside I was immediately surrounded by color - fresh flowers and produce. I spent way longer than I had hoped, wandering around, feeling avocados, comparing prices, searching for walnuts in the bulk food aisle. I was pretty stoked on the meat department. I felt way better purchasing my two chicken breasts than I did picking up a NY steak at "Sunset Super" last week. And to think - Andronico's was on my way home from work all this time...

I finally decided to make chicken and potatoes. I made it out with about $40 spent. I liked the little wifi area on the way out - an in-store cafe with an assortment of folks who looked to have been holding down their tables with laptops for a few solid hours.

I almost got killed on the way home. Don't cross 19th avenue at the end of the yellow light. Just chill. People are just dying to make that left onto 19th. On to the dinner:

Ingredients: 2 chicken breasts, a bunch of asparagus, 3 russet potatoes, 1 carro

t, fresh parsley, eggs. For the mashed potatoes you'll also need milk and butter; for the chicken you'll need some breadcrumbs.

1. Clean and chop the potatoes. Cut out any nasty eyes, but leave most of the skin - it's good for you! Set them to boil.

2. Chop the garlic into fairly large pieces - do not mince. Sautee the garlic, asparagus, and carrot in olive oil. Medium heat for about 15 minutes until the garlic begins to brown. Toss in some parsley and lemon juice. I used lime juice. Definitely not as good as lemon.

3. Fillet the chicken breasts in half so you have four large, thin pieces. Separate 3 eggs - get rid of the egg white by carefully cracking and cradling the yolk in one half of the shell. Place the 3 yolks in a wide bowl or deep plate. Fill another dish with bread crumbs, garlic salt, and parsley.

4. Dip the breasts in the yolk, then the breadcrumbs, then fry in olive oil over medium-high heat - about 4 minutes per side.

5. Mash those potatoes - be as liberal as you'd like with butter, milk, salt, pepper, and some more parsley. Parsley for everybody.

Servers four. Or, as in my case, 1 for dinner, 1 for lunch, and 1 for dinner again.

Reflections: The potatoes were "on point". Just enough butter, milk, and salt. The asparagus was good, but the lime juice definitely didn't jive. Funny how lime can be so far from lemon. The chicken was good, but slightly over-cooked. Not dry, but not as juicy as it could've been. I just saw a recipe for Chicken Milanese that recommends rubbing the chicken with seasonings first, then dipping in the yolk, then finishing with breadcrumbs. Good idea. Overall, it's a nice, robust meal for a winter's evening. Or a summer evening in San Francisco.

The Physical Effect of Cherries

At 4pm yesterday, I hit a bit of a wall. I felt like someone from that awful awful 5 hour energy ad - "we all know what 2:30 feels like...". Oh how I loathe that ad. I'd post it here, but then I'd be furthering their cause.

The first thing I did was take off my shoes. This always provides some cooling relief by releasing all the pent-up heat energy in my feet. Then I got up and headed for the ki

tchen. My legs were sore from soccer - especially where the quads meet the hips. (How in the world does one stretch this region? You can yank your feet up behind you all day long, and you'll most likely end up with a hyper-extended knee, and sore quads the next day).

In any case, I decided to pull the bag of cherries from the fridge rather than the bag of oatmeal-raisin cookies from on top. I poured a goodly amount into a bowl, planning on sharing with vFlyer, and gave them all a nice cold rinse. I also grabbed a little tupperware for the pits. The first one was delicious, and I had two or three before I began to make the rounds of the office.

The devteam was deep in conversation - something about computers - so I started with Todd. He had two or three while I told him the story of the cherries' purchase - an extreme organic grocery store impulse buy (along with $23 of other assorted goods, all gathered in my arms in a matter of 3 minutes).

Sindy obviously likes cherries, and took 3. She smiled and actually said "I'll take three".

Sam doesn't like cherries. Nor fruit in general. "I like oranges", he said. "I eat alot of oranges".

I returned to my desk and my work, and as 5pm neared I noticed I only had 2 cherries left. I counted the pits in my tupperware: 25. Twenty-five cherries! This seemed like alot - too much, even, so I did some research.

I found some good news:

"Cherries are a potential treatment for diabetes that may lower blood sugar levels. They may help prevent colon cancer, significantly reduce pain due to muscle damage, provide relief from the pain of gout and arthritis and lower LDL (low-density lipoprotein) cholesterol, a contributing factor in heart disease and strokes." -Life 123.com

I also found a troubling tale:

"Former President Zachary Taylor ate a substantial amount of cherries the day of his death. He i

s presumed to have died from a foodborne illness that lasted 5 days."

I suspect Taylor's death had more to do with what was on those particular cherries, and the gulps of warm milk he was simultaneously downing. And then the subsequent bleeding by his doctors.It turns out there's a conspiracy theory surrounding this cherry-lover's death, with enough momentum to warrant digging up the old bones in 1991 for a scientific examination (read: the exhumation of Taylor's remains): http://bit.ly/ctjKME

Me? I had two more cherries, bringing my grand total to 27. I made it home just fine, with no ill effects to report, and I'm happily back to the cherry-eating today.

Overall, I feel that cherries have a lot to offer those looking for an afternoon pick-me-up. They're sweet and juicy, and according to one loyal non-reader, eating a cherry is:

"Like playing a little game - you try to eat the cherry

without breaking your tooth on the pit"

And, best of all - the satisfaction of spitting the little wooden pit, especially hearing it plunk into the bottom of a plastic container.